This morning, I really got upset when I heard the European news. Really really upset.
Sobbing upset, quite unreasonable, I thought to myself, what the hell is going on?
And this is not entirely about me and my reaction to the new war in Europe. I expect many people right now are extremely upset, may be too upset.
We have of course every right to be upset, but I was too upset, if that makes any sense. So of course, being me, I got to tapping on it.
"Even though I seem to be unreasonably upset about the current situation in Europe, I accept this is where I am at right now"
"Even though I feel like I am not myself any more, I wonder what is going on in my mind right now and I accept myself"
Have you ever had those moments when you feel you are not quite yourself anymore? You are breathing and doing all the normal things but you are kind of not quite here. It is difficult to explain, it is a weird feeling. A bit like you are watching yourself cry (in my case).
So the next tapping statement has to be "Even though I am feeling incredibly upset right now and I don't feel quite myself, I wonder how old I feel right now"
The answer came immediately : 12 years old.
So "Even though I am feeling 12 years old right now and I am very upset, and I have no idea of what this is about, I accept this is where I am right now and I would like to find out"
I deal with situations like that because I really do not want to spend the rest of the day or possibly the week being 12 years old!
The answer came back in a flashback. My younger self, on my dad's boat, August 1968, very hot day, the smell of Ambre Solaire, listening to the news on the old radio and sobbing.
I am a child of May 1968. My parents, passionate socialists at the time, took me on all the demonstrations and I believed with all the passion of a twelve years old who has just discovered idealism, that we were creating a better world.
The end of the French dream, destroyed by internal battles between socialists and communists, threats of invasion from the US troups massed in Germany, had hit my younger self hard and had split my parents up. My dad retiring into a bitter despair and eventually becoming a supporter of the National Front.
But I was looking at the Prague Spring as the hope of a better future. I wanted to believe that it heralded the beginning of the end of the Soviet Union. So that day, listening to the radio, learning about the invasion, I cried my heart out. The adults around me, too busy with their own dramas did not pay much attention.
And this morning, when I heard the news, me, aged 66 was taken over by the trauma of that long ago day.
For sure, I was crying for the end of peace in Europe as a 66 years old woman but I was also crying as the child who had believed change was possible, who had no experience of the duplicity of politicians or the unfairness of it all.
So I tapped and talked to her, my 12 years old and I said "Even though, I can see you are really really upset and your dreams have been chattered, I want you to know that this all happened a long time ago and we have grown up. I want you to know that we have never given up hope and we will never give up hope and I also want you to know that you don't have to carry on crying like that on your own, on that boat, with those adults who are not listening to you. Come home. Come back to me and we will cry together. And we will be safe."
And, just like that. the child I once was, came back to me. She no longer cried the tears of despair of that past crisis. She did not need to anymore.
And, together, we could feel genuinely sad for the current fate of our world and hold the line. Hold the line for love and hope. Because that is what we do.
What I have just described is a "Soul Retrieval". If you would like to know more about it. Please visit my website www.baya.ie
Thanks for reading
Baya (and Betty - my nickname when I was 12)
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